So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
