You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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