this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My balls are so social today.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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