If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The air was thick with penises
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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