Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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