i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
