Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
