one two three fourrrrnication!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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