I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
