When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
