Just cropdusted the office
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
