at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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