I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
