Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
