just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Drake has all the answers
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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