Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
