i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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