But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
why does every cop we meet know your name?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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