Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
