Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
