I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
