6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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