I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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