if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
