I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You ate ashes out of my bong
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
