if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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