Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
