moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
