Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
