you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
