Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
