Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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