He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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