a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
