quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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