He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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