It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches