Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.