And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
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the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
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Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk