you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.