Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum