Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
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she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
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Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila