i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wish I only lived at night.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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