I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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