Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
