I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
