Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
