I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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