Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
