i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
