I could have mohawked her pubes.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
