you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
