Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize