You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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