Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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