i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
