I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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