I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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