I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
