i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
