Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
