we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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