Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she told me i tasted like america
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she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
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Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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