I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
