And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
COCAINE IS GR8
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
