I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
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Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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