Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
