I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
