I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
NoShamevember. You game?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
